I’ve kept wondering about the divorce rate these days thats really alarming. But then, when i look at the other side i just see that there are too many marriages.  I think many people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or just how big of a commitment they are making.  Heck, most people get married before they even know themselves very well.  When they see the reality, it just hits them and they are either stuck in a bad marriage for life, or they get a divorce.

I’ve come to realise that one must know themselves well before committing oneself to a life of marriage to another person.  I always wonder am i really ready ?  Am i done playing the field ?  Is my career going to get in the way of my ability to really build a life with someone else ?  What are my beliefs about marriage ?  Am i a high maintenance or low maintenance personality ?  Am i ready for kids ?  Do i even want kids ?  How much intimacy do i want, need, prefer ?  How accommodating am i to other people’s needs ?  Am i a team player or a bit self-indulged ?  There are no right or wrong answers. I need to be able to tell them straight up what it is that i am offering.  What exactly does “let’s get married” look like to me !

I am more of the type that i would like to know my partner before accepting the proposal.  Are they really ready ?  Do i trust them not to cheat ?  What are their career aspirations ?  What are their spiritual beliefs and how important are they to them ? Are they high maintenance or low ?  Do i have what it takes to please them ? Are they the type that will naturally please me without having to force myself to take care of each other ?  Do they want kids ? Are they the type to want to just dive in and trust that everything will turn out okay or do they have a plan that they’re going to want you to agree to and follow with them ? How much intimacy do they like ?  How well do they compromise with others ?  Again, there are no right or wrong answers, but i think one definitely needs to know these things about the other person before agreeing to marry them.

I have heard a wonderful New Age definition of marriage recently.  It is said marriage is the act of agreeing to live out someone else’s karma with them.  Asking myself, what does my partner’s karma look like ?  What comes around goes around.  What are they putting out into the world ?  And what kind of energy am i putting out into the world ?  Would it be fair to ask someone to join me in my karma ?  I really need to think about it honestly.

Young people really need to be educated as to what marriage is.  So many girls accept the first proposal that comes along assuming it’s the best they’ll ever get.  The fear of being alone makes them afraid to say “no” to someone who is not necessarily the right partner. I suspect the boys are doing the same thing.  Our fear of being alone and our low self-esteems make us desperate to couple up without really checking out whom we are going to be with and what it is we have to offer them.  Add to that the dizzyingly wonderful high that first comes along with falling in love. It is only natural that we would want to stay on that high forever.  When we are young, we think that the high will last forever if we get married.  We are committing to the emotions, not to the cold hard facts of who we are, who they are, and what marriage together would really end up looking like.  It is very difficult to do, and much easier said than done.

The people I know who have gone through repeat marriages and divorces are all still making that same mistake. They are marrying the rush of emotions before doing their homework and finding out who they are actually in love with.  We are in love with being in love.  Beautiful stuff, but often a sure formula for divorce once reality hits.  If we can learn how to take a step back and bring our heads in where our hearts have taken over, I think we could save ourselves a lot of heartache down the line.  Yeah, we probably would not get married as early in life, because it will take a while to find the right one.  But that is not necessarily a bad thing.  The older and wiser we are, the better the chances that we are going to be able to openly and honestly present ourselves to potential mates.

As a society, if we would simply wait for the right one to come along, we would see a huge drop in the divorce rate. There will always be weird unexpected things that happen, but overall marriage would actually have a fighting chance at being a “happily ever after” thing again.  Choose wisely and hold it sacred when you do find that special someone. Know just how rare and special they are. And give thanks daily once you find them.