If there’s a word to describe my feeling right now, it would have been “blinded”. I can’t seem to see the bigger picture. It just does not make sense to me for the moment. But the weird thing is that I am totally aware of the fact that, now is not the time to make crucial decisions. I don’t even know if there is any decision to be made. In the past, when I was going through the same feeling, I’d fight like hell to dig out the answers I wish to hear (even if I knew it was not true) and end up feeling terribly miserable. Now, I decided neither to fight nor run away. Somehow, a mechanism within my system is telling me to stay put; as the old saying goes: When you have no idea what to do, then do nothing. It’s like I surrendered to the nature of “fight or flight”. Why even bother ? It’s too tired to be doing that over and over again.

It still hurts because I am just a human. It is part of what I should learn as a person – to experience pain. Also, to not only witness but also experience it myself the conflicts between 2 living persons. And to know the feeling of the extent of how much one can give and take. To learn to see from the other’s perspective – that’s one of the hard part – so this is the time I’d go to those closest to help me see because right now I am just overwhelmed with my emotions!