a frivolous mind

I, Me, Myself

As I am in the process of understanding the ego in each of ourselves, my own life experience would be a truer reflection of what is described. I questioned myself for the reason I had reacted negatively towards a certain statement someone made. In the moment, I directed my negative emotions towards them, feeling confused and frustrated as my expectations was not founded. Perhaps I had gotten the wrong impression. How had I gotten that wrong impression? And why would I have had such an expectation? How did all these have arisen?

I have forgotten what I was taught. At a rush of moment all that I could think of was how wrong the other had been and i did not even have a second to consider that perhaps I may not be right either. Then I took a step back and stopped all thoughts. I stopped focusing on how wrong the situation was and “stepped out” of the whole scenario. And I came to be aware that all these were caused by the ego within me.

Men, women, all human beings, are mostly delusionised by the “ego” within ourselves. This ego – it is attached to all kinds of wants, both good and bad. It needs something to hold onto to stay alive. It needs identification. It is important for me to be detached from this ego in me. I am not even sure how to describe this feeling of mine of being aware. Once I am aware of it, it would no longer be me who wants it, it is the ego. To let go the ego, the “I”, the “me”, the “mine” is to acknowledge its existence and to learn not to react upon it.

I have been living my life for those who are close to me. My behaviour, my reactions are influenced by these people and by the environment that I live in. At many times I identify myself with what I do, how well I do it and what I have achieved. All these identifications and associations have clouded the mind and thus I may have been living in an unconscious state of mind all this while.

Perhaps, it would be a good attempt, to move a step forward, to let go of this illusion of self. Maybe for once, instead of living for others or even for this delusional self, I should just be the “me” without identification of any forms. No wants, no associations, just Being, just that. If there’s ever a need to define who I am, then I suppose the best answer would be the one who is conscious. Am i getting too spiritual ? Looks like things are working !